Narcissist

A dukkan lamarinka ka yi addu'a, ka nemi zaɓin nagari a wajen Allah, musamma a wajen neman abokin zama na dindindin (mata da miji).

Kwanaki mun ji labarin Steve Harvey da matarsa Marjorie Elaine da kuma Will Smith da matarsa Kada Pinkett. Steve 'coach' ne, kuma marubuci kan abin da shafi alaƙa da mu'amala (relationship), Will Smith kuma babban 'actor' ne a Hollywood. Dukkan jaruman biyun sun nunawa duniya irin soyayyar da suke yi wa matansu, amma sai dai kash, sai da matan nasu suka watsa musu ƙasa a ido.

Idan ka jarrabtu da 'narcissist partner', duk kishi da za ka nuna a kansu, nuna kulawa, tarairayya, sauƙe nauyi da biya musu dukkan buƙatar da suke so, ba zai hana su watsa ma ƙasa a ido ba. Nunawa ma za su yi, su suka saka ka (yi) musu wahala? Nuna ma za su yi alfarma suka ma da suke kula ka harka ƙulla soyayya ko aure da su, saboda suna da wani zaɓukan daban ba kai ba (alfarma suka ma).

Ba sa kunyar su cizga ka a cikin mutane komai ƙoƙarin da ka yi don ganin ka cece su daga wata cutuwa ko nuna kishi. Misali, a ranar Lahadi ta 27th March, 2022 a wajen taron Academy Award ta AMPAS a Dolby Theatre, Hollywood. A lokacin da Jada Pinkett ta hau kan stage, Chris Rick ya tsokane ta saboda aske gashin kanta da ta yi, jin haushin tsokanar ya sa Will Smith da kishi ya wanke Chris Rick da mari. Amma kun san me Jada ta faɗawa 'yan jarida? Ita ba ita ta aike shi ba, shi ya sa kansa ya kuma zubarwa kansa mutunci. Narcissism kenan.

Kamar kai ne ku je 'shopping mall' da matarka ko budurwarka, sai wani yake yi wa kwalliyarta izgilanci a cikin mutane. Kai kuma saboda kishi ka wanke shi da mari. Da mutane suka ta so hayya-hayya, sai matarka ta kalli idonka ta ce, kawai ka zubarwa kanka mutunci ne, ai ba ita ta saka ka ba. Kamar labarin Ɗan Arewa a jiya da ya ce, watarana sun je 'mall' da matarsa, sai wata yarinya da ya yi wanke-wanke a gidansu suna biyansa (a lokacin yana yaro) ta ƙira shi da ɗan wanke-wanke a gaban matarsa, a nan matarsa ta cukume ta. Da a ce Ɗan Arewa 'narcissist' ne, cizga matar zai yi a cikin mutane ya ce, "waye ya sa ta?"

Na biyu, a ranar Juma'ar 25th August, 2023, Marjorie Elaine ta shigar da ƙarar Steve Hervey kan a raba aurensu, ya kuma ba ta rabin dukiyarsa kamar yadda yake a doka, kun san saboda me? Saboda ya kamata tana cin amanarsa, tana lalata da maigadinsa, a cikin gidansa, duk da soyayya da yake nuna mata ma duniya a duk shows da zai gabatar, kuma bai ɗau matakin laifin da ta masa ba, amma ita kuma za ta kai shi kotu. Uhm! Narcissism ɗin kenan. Narcissist ya gwammaci ya 'saving face' ɗinsa, kai kuwa ko ohonka.

Narcissist zai nuna ma soyayya kaɗai (ne) don wata buƙatarsa (fake connection), da zarar buƙatarsa ta biya, zai jefar da kai, duk tsananin soyayyar da kake masa sai dai ka ƙarata kai kaɗai (one sided relationship).

Narcissist duk lokacin da kuka sami saɓani, sai dai ka ba shi gaskiya (ka ɗau laifi), ba ya ɗaukar kuskure. Narcissist zai iya ma laifi, maimakon ya amshi laifi zai ɗora laifin a kanka saboda 'dysfunctional behavior'. Don narcissist ya kare kansa, zai iya ma tariyar wani laifi da ka taɓa masa shekarun baya ya juya magana (word salad) don ya rufe laifin da ya ma yaunzu (gaslighting).

Saboda 'gaslighting', 'narcissist' zai iya ajiye 'chats', ko ya 'naɗi ƙiran wayarka' don ya ƙalubalance ka da shi a gaba, ko a duk lokacin da kuka sami saɓani.

Narcissist na da mugun kishi. Idan ka haɗu da mace narcissist misali ka ce za ka mata sutura da 'yan uwanka mata (anko), ta gwammaci ta zama daban saboda mugun kishin kai (grandiosity). Haka ma namijin narcissist, ya gwammaci ya ci bashi don ya ɗinka sutura, ya hau mota mai tsada, don ya kere abokai (komai nasa gasa yake mayar shi).

Narcisssistic Personal Disoder (NPD) cuta ce, tana cikin cluster B na personality disorders. Wanda yake da irin waɗannan halayyar, shi a karan kansa ba zai san yana da matsalar ba, sai dai wanda yake mu'amala da su ya yi ta cutuwa. Psychatirist da Psychotherapist na iya duba masu matsalar NPD don ba su mafita da magani. Amma kai a karan kanka, tsakaninka da narcissist sai dai ka nesance shi don kiyaye mutuncinka da lafiya kwakwalwarka (mental health).

A kullum ka nemi tsarin Allah daga sharri masoyi da maƙiya, ka nemi zaɓin Allah dukkan lamuranka. Yana daga cikin neman kariya Falaki da Nasi:

من شر الوسواس الخناس، 

الذي يوسوس في صدور الناس،

من الجنة والناس.

✍️ Aliyu M. Ahmad

6th Rabi'ul Thani, 1445AH

21st October, 2023CE

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