One Side Love

#OneSideLove

Idan ya kasance kana soyayya, kuma kana jin kamar kai kaɗai ke yiwa soyayyar hidima, kai kaɗai ne mai ƙoƙarin nuna kulawa, in baka nemi masoyinka ba, ba zai neme ka ba, in baka ƙira shi a waya ba, ba zai kira ka ba, ba kuma rashin halin kiran ba ne... ka rufawa kanka asiri ka nemi inda dare ya maka.

Akwai matsala idan ya kasance, kana soyayya da mutum, amma a ranka kana jin tamkar takura masa kake, shi kuma yana nuna ma tamkar alfarma yake ma.

Soyayya tana bukatar dukkan masoya biyu su yi aiki wajen gina soyayyarsu, matukar akwai aminci da ƙaunar juna. Idan ya kasance mutum ɗaya ne ke bautawa soyayya, dole ɗayan masoyin zai bautu, ya wahaltu a kuma cutar da shi. Irin wannan ake kira da ONE SIDE LOVE, ma'ana, soyayya daga bangare daya.

A wani binciken masana halayyar dan Adam (psychologist), a karni na 21, yawancin masoya ba sa iya fitowa fili su nunawa waɗanda suke ƙaunarsu cewa, ba sa ra'ayinsu kai tsaye, sai dai su yi amfani da wani sabon dabara ta "constructive dismissal'" ga mai nema, ko "constructive breakup" ga wanda aka jima ana tare (Jo Barnett, 2018).

Shi "constructive dismissal" shi ne, a lokacin da wani masoyi ke kokarin bayyana soyayya ga wani masoyi da ba ya ra'ayinsa ba, ba zai fada masa kai tsaye ba ya sonsa ba ko kuma ba ya ra'ayinsa kai-tsaye, a'a, zai yi ta ja masa rai, tare da nuna ɗabi'ar rashin kulawa, har wannan masoyin ya gaji, ya hakura.

Shi kuma "constructive breakup" shi ne, a lokacin da masoya biyu suka jima suna soyayya, sai ɗaya yake son janye jiki, ba zai faɗawa dayan masoyin ya gaji ba, ko a yanzu ba ya ra'ayin wannan soyayyar ba, a'a, zai fito da wasu ɗabi'u na rashin kulawa, janye jiki... da sauransu ba tare da yin cikekken bayani ba, har dayan masoyin ya ji ya gaji da wadannan sabbin ɗabi'un, ya janye, ya haƙura. 

In dai kana fuskantar irin wannan a cikin rayuwar soyayya tsawon lokaci, zan baka shawara, ka nemi likin (therapist), ka yi addu'a, ka daure ka hakura kar ka cutar da zuciyarka.

Wannan shawara ce gamasu yin soyayya mai manufa (wato wanda suke sa ran inshaa Allah soyayyar za ta kai su ga inuwar da kowane mutum kamili yake fatan zama a ƙarƙashin ta, aure). Sai ana yi, ana lura!

اللهم لا تعلق قلبنا بما ليس لنا واكتب لنا في ما نحب نصيب. قلوبنا وعقولنا كل شيء لم تكتبه لنا سبحانك لا حول لنا ولا قوة إلا بك ومنك هو عليك هين.

✍️ Aliyu M. Ahmad

7th Dhul-Qa'adah, 1443AH

7th June, 2022CE

#AliyuMAhmad #RayuwaDaNazari #SoyayyaDaRayuwa