Wasu Ɗabi'un Wasu Matan

Wasu ɗabi'u 2 na 'yan mata mai wuya da sauƙin ganewa:

1. Za ku iya shekara da mace kuna soyayya, amma tsawon wata 9 ba ta taɓa jin tana son ka ba, sai a wata 3 na ƙarshe ta fara jin soyayyarka a zuciyarta (daga 'breadcrumbing' zuwa 'transferring affection'). 

2. Mace za ta iya cire ka a zuciyarta tsawon lokaci ba tare da ka fahimta ba, ku shekara kuna tare, amma tun wata 6 baya ta cire ka a zuciyarta, ta sauya ra'ayi a kanka (emotional detachment).

Ya abin ya ke?

A lokacin da kake 'approaching' yarinya, a lokacin da take tare da wani (saurayin da take so), ba wai barin sa za ta yi a lokaci guda don ta ba ka dama ba, yana iya faruwa, amma yana da wahala mace ta iya haɗa soyayya mazaje 2 a zuciyarta a lokaci guda (sai ta kasa samun nutsuwa). 

Idan mai gaskiya ce, kai tsaye za ta faɗa maka tana da zaɓi, idan kuma mayaudariya ce (deceptive), za ta riƙe a matsayin 'backup', BREAD-CRUMBING kenan. Idan kuma wata ta ga kana da abin mora, za ta ajiye ka a matsayin 'safety net'.

Tsawon lokacin da take ba ka attention ba soyayya ba ce, tana amfana da wani 'value' naka ne kawai, hala kana ɗebe mata kewa, ko sauƙe mata nauyin wasu buƙata. Idan wancan zaɓin nata ya fara ba ta ciwon kai, ko suka sami matsala, sai ta yi 'transferring affection', ma'ana ta fara karkata kanka (MONKEY BRANCHING).

Duk waya, chatting, zuwa hira da kake a tsawon wata 9  ba ta taɓa jin ka a motsin zuciyarta ba, BREADCRUMBING ne kawai. Sai dai wannan kulawar ta yi tasirin wajen samun 'TRANSFERRING AFFECTION'.

Ta yadda za ka gane shi ne, za ta ƙara ba ka attention fiye da baya, idan a baya ba ta ƙiranka sai idan kai ne ka ƙira ta, yanzu da katinta za tana ƙiranka. Ita ce aiko maka gaisuwar safiya da goodnight. Har tana nuna damuwa kun kwana biyu ba kwa waya wanda a baya ba ta yi, to yanzu ne ta shigo hannu. AMMA KA KULA! Ta dawo son ka ne da gaske, ko kuma 'monkey-branching' ne saboda wancan fushi da ta yi wa wancan saurayintan? Idan saboda fushi ne, ka tabbata idan suka huce za ta sake komawa gare shi matuƙar da gaske take son sa. Soyayyarka 'rebounded' ce, ta yi 'monkey branching' saboda ba za ta iya zama 'single' ba.

Emotional Detachment 

Mace za ta fizge (dumping) ka a zuciyarta tsawon lokaci ba tare da ta ce maka ku rabu ba (verbal breakup/emotional closure), ko ta yi maka bayanin ta fara 'crushing' sabon 'supply' (emotional exposure). Irin wannan na faru a:

1. Lokacin da wataƙila wani sabon sarauyi ya shigo da hala yana da wasu 'qualities' da suka ɗara naka, ko kuma

2. Kuna yawan samun saɓani, tafi ganin wancan bai fiye rigima ba (cyclical), kuma yana ba ta attention fiye da kai (trade-up).

Hala a lokacin da kuka sami saɓani ta yi fushi, kai ma ka yi fushi, wannan tsawon jira ya sa ta sake tunani. Bayan da ka dawo aka ba wa juna haƙuri, aka ci gaba da samun ba wa juna 'attention', amma tuntuni ta sallame ka a zuciyarta. 

Za ka gane hakan ta hanyar lura da canje-canjen halayyarta, saboda aiyukan mutum ke bayyana mene ne a zuciyarsa (cognitive consistency). Idan a baya tana iya saka 'airtime' ta ƙira ka, yanzu ta daina sai dai kai ka ƙira (ba kuma babu ba ce). Sannan idan ka lura da 'chattings' naku duk 'replies' take maka, ma'ana kai kake fara neman ta sai ta maka 'replies' (fade-out). Uwa-uba, za ka same ta tana ba wa sabon saurayi ko sabon 'supply' 'attention'. Da ka yi magana sai ta ce, "he is just a friend", ko kuma "cousin ɗina ne", ko kuma "cewa ya yi yana so na"... 

A daidai lokacin da kuka saba waya, idan ka ƙira sai ka ji 'call waiting', idan kuna 'chat' sai ta ɗau lokaci za ta maka 'reply', ma'ana, an ba wa wasu lokacinka. Idan da za ka ƙi ƙiran ta tsawon sati, ita ba za ta ƙira ka ba, ba ta kuma damu ba. Ita ba za ta furta ma ta kore ka ba, sai dai halayyarta ta gajiyar da kai ka janye jiki (constructive dismissal/kora da hali). Mace ba ta barin namiji a lokaci guda, idan kuwa hakan ta faru ta jima da cire ka a zuciyarta (emotional detachment). Kuma kada soyayyar ta rufe maka ido ka kasa gane 'RED FLAGS' 🚩.

A duk lokacin da kake marhalar neman soyayya kafin ta kai ku ga aure, ka tabbatar kai ne, ba wai abin hannunka ake hari ba, ba kuma 'breadcrumbing' ake da kai ba. Mace kan iya tara mazaje 100, amma 1 ne kawai take so. Sauran tana ba su 'attention' ne kawai domin wata maslaha. Ka tabbatar kai ne 1 cikin 100, kada ka kasance cikin 99. Abu ne mai kyau kana nazarin 'dark psychology' domin kare kanka daga cutarwa, musamman a sha'anin alaƙa tsakanin jinsi.

✍🏻 Aliyu M. Ahmad

11th Shawwal, 1445AH

20th April, 2024CE

#AliyuMAhmad #RayuwaDaNazari #AliMotives